kiwi muslim was caught having sex with a sheep today,he stated in court it was 'islamb and he could do what he wanted with it

The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people,

Mary or Jack. It was a tough decision because they were both decent workers.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Mary came in that day with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said, "Mary, I've never done this before but I either have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she said. "I feel like crap this morning."

An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, “What can I do for you?”
The man says, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?”

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, “There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says good bye.

A week later the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, “I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?”

The man says, “We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medibank.”

A young fella (Johnny)living in a country town is coming of age for his first sexual experience with a female, His father slips him $100 and says to him don't tell your mum but go into town have a good night here's the name of a good girl who will help you out. So the young chap gets all dressed up slips out the back door and heads of for a good time. As he's strolling down the road he passes his Nan's place who's sitting on the front porch. She notices him all dressed up and seeming very cheerfull so she calls him over. Johnny steps up onto the porch and has a casual chat with his nan. She final ask's him what he's doing all dressed up and heading into town by himself, well after a few nervous moments he gives her the details. Well she says to Johnny keep the $100 dollars and I'll teach you everything you will need to know, young Johnny not knowing any different takes her up on the offer.                                                                                   The following morning Johnny starts walking home when his old man drives past him, he stops to pick his son up thinking the young lad must have gone alright if he spent all night in town. He starts to quizz the boy about his night and Johnny explains to him what he got upto. The old man pissed off at Johnny "How could you do some thing so sick? Why didn't you go to the girl I told you about? How could you have sex with my mum? After a brief tense moment Johnny turns to his old man and says "well you had sex with my mum"

 Gerald invites his Mum round for dinner. She notices his flat mate Joe is slightly effeminate and although she suspects (and asks if) Gerald is gay, he denies that anything is going on and that they are only flat mates. A week later Joe says to Gerald "Ever since your Mum came to tea, I can't find the frying pan." So Gerald emails his mum and says "Dear Mum, I'm not saying you DID take the frying pan, and I'm not saying that you DIDN'T take the frying pan, but it's been missing ever since you came over for tea. Love Gerald."

His mum replies "Dear Son, I'm not saying you DO sleep with Joe, and I'm not saying that you DON'T sleep with Joe, but if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the frying pan by now you queer little c**t. Love Mum."

A young red Indian warrior had been bugging his chief for a squaw, thinking it was time he became one off the big boys. After a lot of pestering the chief agrees, he asks the young buck if he has any experience. The young buck looks at the chief a little bewildered and says "experience what do you mean?" " So the chief explains to him that he must spend one moon cycle in the wild by himself gaining life's experiences, start with understanding the trees they have plenty to offer than work your way through anything that you come across, even if you encounter a grizzily don't run and hide you must take on any challenge. The buck nods his head thinking that this will be easy. After spending his time in the woods and a new moon rises he returns and asks the chief again. The chief quizzes the young buck again reluctant to hand over a squaw but eventuately the chief points out a young squaw and says take her young one care for her respect her like you respect the land and land respects you. Later on that evening the young couple leave the circle around the tribal fire and go into a teepee. A little time has passed when there comes a horrifying scare and a almighty commotion from inside the teepee, the chief rushes into the teepee to se the young buck kicking the squaw fair square in the groin. "What the hell do you think your doing?' exclaims the chief, the young turns to the chief and says "Checking for bees"

Copper Wire & Communication

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year,

British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years

and came to the conclusion that their ancestors

already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed,

an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet,

and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times said:

"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire,

have concluded that their ancestors already

had an advanced high-tech communications network

50 years earlier than the British".

One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern Territory,

Knackers Mitchell, a self-taught archaeologist

reported that he found absolutely bugger-all.

Knackers has therefore concluded that 250 years ago,

Australia had already gone wireless."

...Makes ya feel bloody proud to be Australian!