There is a medical distinction between "Guts" and "Balls."

HUSBAND: Darling, if I lost my sight, would you be my eyes for me?
WIFE: Of course I would sweetheart.
HUSBAND: If I lost my hearing, would you be my ears?
WIFE: Absolutely honey.
HUSBAND: If I lost my legs would you push me in a wheelchair?
WIFE: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
HUSBAND: I just sprained my wrist.....

A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a
sheepdog were washed-up with him. After looking around, he
realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.   After being there awhile, he got into
the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach
every evening to watch the sunset.   One particular evening, the sky was a
fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm
and gentle - a perfect night for romance.   As they sat there, the sheep started
looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned
over to the sheep and put his arm around it.   The sheepdog, ever-protective of the
sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from
around the sheep.   After that, the three of them continued
to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more
cuddling.   A few weeks passed-by and, lo and
behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was
a gorgeous blonde.   That evening, the man brought the blonde to
the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening -
red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect
for a night of romance.   Pretty soon, the man started to get
those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he
could but he finally gave-in and leaned over to blondie and
told her he hadn't had sex for months.   She batted her eyelashes and asked if
there was anything she could do for him. He said, ’Take the dog for a walk.'                
 

 She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no
mushrooms and no time to buy them.

Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms
that are growing wild down by the stream?

"No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."

"Well, I see squirrels eating them and they're OK."

So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her
dinner.

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double
handful.
Spot ate every bite.

All morning long, she watched the dog.

The wild mushrooms hadn't affected him after a few hours, so she decided
to use them.

The meal was a great success.

After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her
ear, "Mum, Spot is dead."

Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as
possible, called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I'll
call for an ambulance and I'll be there as quickly as I can.

We'll give everyone enemas and we'll pump out their stomachs and
everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."

Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down
the road.

The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a
stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema,
and pumped out their stomach.

After the last one was done the doctor came out and said,

"Everything will be okay now," and with that he left.

The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the
living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum..

"I can't believe that guy!"

"What guy?"

"You know, that one who ran over Spot; he never even slowed down.

 Good one Gilly