Job Interview :

 While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in
the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with
the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.
The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function,
and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."


Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard.

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money."
But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did.
He then said, "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... Take it out...." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands.
Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered..
"Well .... Go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, ....
...tentatively said ....
"Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"

Rick and his wife, Angie-Marie were driving home one very cold night when Angie-Marie asks her husband to stop the car.
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to Rick, 'It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?'
He says, 'O. K., Get in the car with it.'
'Where shall I put it to get it warm?'
Rick says, 'Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.'
'But what about the smell?'
'Just hold its little nose.'