An Arab was washed up on the shore of a desert island after a terrible shipwreck.

Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him

Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Arab.

Soon he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the Arab man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the
Arab man had ever seen without Burkha.

She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Arab started to get 'those feelings' and thanked Allah for bestowing the moment to satisfy his carnal desire.
He cuddled up close to the young woman and whispered in her ear,

' Would you mind taking the dog for a walk? '

Love the cake!!

A wealthy benefactor to a Testicle Disorder Hospital was being shown
around the hospital for the first time. During her tour, she passed a room where a male
patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing
that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that
you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his
testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five
times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman...

As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed
while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, private health cover.."

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today early from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

"Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation ......she never got your email!"

A rich Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a
guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl and traditional locks of
hair.
He doesn't have to be that bright to know the guy is Jewish.
So he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everybody can hear "Drinks
for everyone in here, but not for the Jew over there."
Soon after the drinks are handed out, the Jew gives a big smile, waves at
him then says "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone
except the Jew.
As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy He who continues to
smile and again yells "Thank you !"
The Arab asks the bartender "What the hell is the matter with that Jew ?
I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all
he does is smile and thanks me.
Is he nuts?"
"Nope" replies the bartender, "he owns the place"

Picture number 5 with the cat is a 2 for 1 deal... how good is the florist sign in the background! That store it definitely owned by a guy.

Umm, GGs, they are 2 separate pictures........

 Paul H.

You on fire mate..... made my day 

 Why couldn't the blonde count to 70?

because she thought 69 was a mouthful

"Daughter, when you go back to your Mum's house tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you are now 18, this is the last cheque she'll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression on her face."
Later...
DAUGHTER: "Mum, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I'm now 18, this is the last child support payment he'll ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face."
DIVORCED MOTHER: "Next time you visit your father, tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father... then, stand back and watch the expression on his face!

Public servant worker.

A guy goes to the Government Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment," and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy, "OK. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 am."
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls... no point in you coming in for that."

.

The world's shortest fairy tale....
Once upon a time, a man asked a lady "Will you marry me?"
The lady said "No."
And the man lived happily ever after and went surfing, fishing, golfing, drank heaps of beer with his mates and went to the footy a lot.

TWENTY INCHES (true story)

Just over a year ago, I first noticed that my penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, I was delighted, as was my wife.
But after several months, my penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. I became quite concerned. I was having problems dressing, and even walking. So my wife and I went to see a prominent urologist in West Perth.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to us that, though rare, my condition could be fixed through corrective surgery. "How long will he be on crutches?" my wife asked anxiously. "Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor. "Well," said the good wife, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?