Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2013-06-14 07:12
Enjoy 
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sea-kem
Posts: 15043
Date Joined: 30/11/09
Ha ha ha ha that one with
Ha ha ha ha that one with the girls is a cracker.
Love the West!
tim-o
Posts: 4657
Date Joined: 24/05/11
Hahaha @ accidental penis,
Hahaha @ accidental penis, borderline Ledge lol.....
I am, as I've said, merely competent. But in an age of incompetence, that makes me extraordinary.
ANTMAN
Posts: 95
Date Joined: 04/06/12
That's some funny shit mate!
That's some funny shit mate! Some of the funniest ever!
Michael Yoni
Posts: 604
Date Joined: 02/01/11
Tim-o,what's your
Tim-o,
what's your attraction/fettish towards penises?
lol
Paully
Posts: 3246
Date Joined: 15/08/09
^ it's a Whorethorn thing
Been that way for a long while :-)
MattMiller
Posts: 4171
Date Joined: 15/06/09
Piss off
It's just a Tim-O thing
snappermiles
Posts: 2100
Date Joined: 05/11/10
great work
gave me a good laugh cheers
ALL FISHERMEN ARE LIARS EXCEPT YOU AND ME! AND IM NOT SO SURE ABOUT YOU!
Norty
Posts: 80
Date Joined: 13/12/12
oldies, but goodies..
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started....
dumper
Posts: 1027
Date Joined: 03/04/08
To: Travis Cloke From: Gary
To: Travis Cloke
From: Gary Pert
CC:
Subject: Car Park
Hi mate
Not sure if you’re aware but the spot you parked in today was my reserved car park. No big issue, just wanted to let you know.
Thanks
Gary
To: Gary Pert
From: Travis Cloke
CC:
Subject: RE: Car Park
Sorry mate!
Was running late and just chucked the car in the first park I saw. Sorry!
To: Travis Cloke
From: Gary Pert
CC:
Subject: RE:re: Car Park
Mate, a week ago you said it was a mistake. Now I find your car in my reserved spot again.
To: Gary Pert
From: Travis Cloke
CC:
Subject: RE:re:re: Car Park
Hi Gary
You sure it was my car?
To: Travis Cloke
From: Gary Pert
CC:
Subject: Re:re:re:re Car Park
Yes. I know your car Travis. It’s a bloody Hummer! Not hard to miss! Knock it off.
To: Travis Cloke
From: Gary Pert
CC: Nathan Buckley
Subject: !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Travis
Today I arrived for an important meeting only to find you’d taken my park. We’ve spoken about this and you promised to stop.
I’ve been pretty reasonable up until now but this is the last time. I’ve cc’d Nathan in to this email so he is aware of the issue.
I would never have pulled a stunt like this when I was playing footy.
Gary
To: Gary Pert
From: Travis Cloke
CC: Nathan Buckley
Subject: RE: !!!!!!!!!!!!
Gary,
It’s my understanding that there are no reserved spots. I can hardly be held responsible for arriving earlier than you.
Also who’d you play footy for?
To: Travis Cloke
From: Gary Pert
CC: Nathan Buckley
Subject: RE:re: !!!!!!!!!!!
Listen mate, You know there are reserved car parks. That why there’s a sign on mine saying Gary Pert CEO.
I played for Collingwood and Fitzroy but that’s beside the point. STOP PARKING IN MY SPOT!!!
To: Gary Pert
From: Nathan Buckley
CC: Travis Cloke
Subject: RE:re:re: !!!!!!!!!!
Guys, I really don’t have time for this.
Travis, stop parking in Gary’s spot.
Gary, consider dialling down the exclamation points. I felt like I was reading One Direction’s fan mail.
Also Gary, what division of amateurs where those teams in?
NB
To: Nathan Buckley
From: Gary Pert
CC: Travis Cloke
Subject: RE:re:re:re: !!!!!!!!!!
Nathan, I played with you at Collingwood. Are you serious? It’s so hard to pick up tone in an email. Actually its hard to pick your tone in person.
Travis, you’ve heard the coach. This ends now.
To: Travis Cloke
From: Gary Pert
CC: Nathan Buckley, Nick Maxwell, Scott Pendlebury, Luke Ball, Dayne Beams
Subject: First and final warning
Travis
I’m writing to you to put on the record an official warning for repeatedly parking in my reserved car park.
The leadership group have been copied in as I believe this issue strikes at the very heart of what this club is about.
Another incident will result in formal disciplinary action.
Gary
To: Gary Pert
From: Nick Maxwell
CC: Nathan Buckley, Scott Pendlebury, Luke Ball, Dayne Beams, Travis Cloke
Subject: RE: First and final warning
Hi Gary
Sorry, just to be clear, if I read your email right, the heart of what the Collingwood Football Club is about, is not parking in other people’s reserved car park spots?
Seems unlikely that this is what the biggest sporting club in Australia would be about. Let’s keep some perspective.
Travis, stop parking in Gary’s spot. He seems pretty upset.
Nick
To: Nathan Buckley, Scott Pendlebury, Dayne Beams, Travis Cloke, Nick Maxwell
From: Luke Ball
CC: Gary Pert
Subject: RE:re: First and final warning
I would have thought the Collingwood Football Club stood for stealing cars from reserved spots!
To: Travis Cloke
From: Gary Pert
CC: Eddie McGuire, Nathan Buckley, Scott Pendlebury, Dayne Beams, Luke Ball, Nick Maxwell
Subject: Today and its consequences
Travis
Today I came in to work to find your car in my RESERVED car park again. As I’ve explained to you repeatedly, this is a serious issue. It has now been going on for over a year.
Earlier this month I gave you a first and final warning. This latest transgression cannot go unpunished.
I’ve cc’d the Chairman in and he and I have spoken. He expects the leadership to come up with a suitable punishment.
To: Nathan Buckley, Scott Pendlebury, Dayne Beams, Luke Ball, Nick Maxwell
From: Eddie McGuire
CC: Gary Pert, Travis Cloke
Subject: RE: Today and its consequences
G’day fellas
There seems to be a bit of unnecessary heat around this issue. It’s something I want sorted out.
Gary’s got every right to be annoyed about this. I tell you what, try parking in my car space. It wouldn’t last a bloody year. Dawes did that to me once and I knew it was an honest mistake. Still, enjoy playing at Melbourne buddy!
Anyway, I expect this sorted out fast. Not parking in someone else’s car park is at the heart of what the Collingwood Football Club stands for.
And let’s keep this quiet. If the media get a hold of this we’ll be a bloody laughing stock.
Gary/Travis, patch things up.
Travis, Gary is very important to this club – show some respect.
Gary, Try to cut Travis some slack, it would be hard for you to understand the pressure he’s under given you haven’t played at this level. This isn’t the bloody amateurs!
Not very happy!
Ed
To: Travis Cloke
From: Nick Maxwell
CC: Eddie McGuire, Gary Pert, Nathan Buckley, Scott Pendlebury, Dayne Beams, Luke Ball
Subject: Sanction
Travis
Not parking in someone else’s reserved car park is at the heart of what Collingwood Football Club stands for. We all know this.
Over the past year you have repeatedly ignored this central tenant.
On behalf of the leadership group, I am writing to inform you that you will be fined the maximum allowed under AFLPA regulations: $1000.
I sincerely hope this brings an end to this serious matter.
Nick
To: Nick Maxwell
From: Travis Cloke
CC: Eddie McGuire, Gary Pert, Nathan Buckley, Scott Pendlebury, Dayne Beams, Luke Ball
Subject: RE: Sanction
Fine.
Gary, there’s some loose change in the ashtray in my Hummer. There’s at least a thousand bucks in there, probably a bit more than that to be honest.
The keys are in my locker and the car is parked in that spot that has the sign that says, ‘Gary Pert CEO.’
Cheers Nick, fair cop, won’t happen again.
GrahamM
Posts: 648
Date Joined: 19/01/09
Love it ledge keep up the
Love it ledge keep up the good work