WARNING... Go to the toilet BEFORE reading this!!!

Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North, I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. 

I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.  I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering.." Ooooh that feels good ".

Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...

So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)


carnarvonite's picture

Posts: 8686

Date Joined: 24/07/07

Classic

Sat, 2012-08-11 19:24

Brings tears to the eyes just reading it let alone thinking about trying it!!!

Posts: 196

Date Joined: 03/02/11

Feck Doooma, That is pretty

Sat, 2012-08-11 19:33

Feck Doooma, That is pretty wild. Did u get half the job done or what ?

Posts: 1755

Date Joined: 02/01/10

Bloody good one! 

Sat, 2012-08-11 19:37

Bloody good one!

 

RedNeck's picture

Posts: 29

Date Joined: 05/05/12

 hahahahaha

Sat, 2012-08-11 19:37

 hahahahaha

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 Master......Baiter....

MattMiller's picture

Posts: 4171

Date Joined: 15/06/09

I do hope

Sat, 2012-08-11 19:42

this is one of those 'I have a friend who...' kind of stories

fishnguru's picture

Posts: 64

Date Joined: 19/02/10

You Legend!!!!

Sat, 2012-08-11 19:49

Maaan , I've only just started breathing again after about 20 minutes of Pissing myself....... thats Gold Dude.

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If everyone concentrated on the best things in life .... There would definately  be a shortage of Fishing Rods !!!

Wes F's picture

Posts: 1069

Date Joined: 07/01/12

That's Gold

Sat, 2012-08-11 19:52

You definately got (had) balls. Never gone that far meself  no wonder the missus whinges everytime she gets her bits done

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 Old fishermen never die they just smell that way.

Posts: 791

Date Joined: 05/12/09

A crusty old Marine Sergeant

Sat, 2012-08-11 21:11

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.


There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.


"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"


"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."


The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."


"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."


The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."


The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.


Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"


"1955, ma'am."


"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.


Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."


The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not, ma'am; it's only 2130 now."

snapper's picture

Posts: 335

Date Joined: 09/02/08

haha

Sat, 2012-08-11 21:40

I nearly choked ,I was laughing that hard.

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Assassin Land Based Fishing Club Member

Posts: 26

Date Joined: 30/03/10

that is the funniest s..t i

Sun, 2012-08-12 07:53

that is the funniest s..t i have ever heard. So did she like her suprise??

Posts: 791

Date Joined: 05/12/09

Naah mate... ha ha

Sun, 2012-08-12 09:16

lol... nah it wasnt me mate... just something I found and HAD to post!!!  Like you say... funniest s..t ever!!! ha ha ha

Zoggy84's picture

Posts: 234

Date Joined: 24/06/12

 LMFAO Classic!!! 

Sun, 2012-08-12 11:00

 LMFAO Classic!!! 

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The name is Zoe.

If any1 but the wife asks im fishing, if she asks im at work.

Lamby's picture

Posts: 3145

Date Joined: 04/08/09

Here we go lads, very funny

Sun, 2012-08-12 18:51

Here we go lads, very funny customer feedback on said product it's been doing the rounds for a while

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK