Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2012-04-13 07:21
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Adam Gallash
Posts: 15655
Date Joined: 29/11/05
Spaghetti
For several years, a man had been having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum
of money if she would go back to Italy to secretly have the child.
Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would provide child
support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write
Spaghetti' on the back when the child was born.
He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin. One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey,' she said, 'You received a very strange postcard today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and
fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce
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Adam Gallash
Posts: 15655
Date Joined: 29/11/05
Jooliar
http://youtu.be/joOfNpwbmmA
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Adam Gallash
Posts: 15655
Date Joined: 29/11/05
Bowl of Peanuts
There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nursing for the aged would be appropriate.
Of course the old man rejected the idea, but soon, he was convinced that it was the right thing to do.
On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to see how the old mans first day was going. "How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see". The Old man replied with a nod. In no time the two began talking up a storm.
As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a big bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and helped herself to a handful. As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts.
She looked at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, "My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too." "Thats okay.", said the old man, "I feel so much better being able to talk to someone."
Looking into the bowl the orderly said, "I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!" The old man responded, "Thats okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow."
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Adam Gallash
Posts: 15655
Date Joined: 29/11/05
Knockout Wife
The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the mans oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace,the friend asked "How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?" The old man whispered back, "Easy. I told her I was 90!"
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derp000
Posts: 99
Date Joined: 22/02/10
Friday woop woop!
I Fish because.............
Tony Halliday
Posts: 2500
Date Joined: 14/06/07
absolute classic lovew
absolute classic
lovew it...lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=316AzLYfAzw
can you imagine this in the middle of Perth lol!!!
Tony Halliday: ~Meals on Reels ~
It takes a strong fish to swim against the current. Even a dead one can float with it
"It is always in season for old men to learn." Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
"In a mad world only the mad are sane." Akira Kurosawa (1910-1998)
Dale
Posts: 7930
Date Joined: 13/09/05
Good
Good one Tony
Cheers
Dale
"Just because you are a Character, Doesn't mean you have Character."
Mr Wolf
Faulkner Family
Posts: 18089
Date Joined: 11/03/08
you must be bored Tony.
you must be bored Tony. thats a classic.
love the pic of OZ . fairly well explains it.
RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together
derp000
Posts: 99
Date Joined: 22/02/10
more
I Fish because.............
Adam Gallash
Posts: 15655
Date Joined: 29/11/05
priest goes fishing
"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "sorry father, but that's what this fish is called - it's a Bastard fish"
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.
"Look at this huge bastard" says the priest, spotting the bishop.
"Language please! This is God's house," replies the bishop.
"No, no - that's what this fish is called," says the priest.
"Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that bastard And we could have it for dinner"..
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior.
"Could you cook this bastard for dinner tonight?" he asks her.
"My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked.
"No, sister that's what the fish is called - a bastard" says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, "wonderful, I'll cook that bastard tonight, the Pope is coming for dinner!"
The fish tastes just great and the Pope asks where they got it.
"Well, I caught the bastard!" says the priest.
"And I cleaned the bastard!" says the bishop.
"And I cooked the bastard!" says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says "You know what? You pricks are alright you know."
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flangies
Posts: 2550
Date Joined: 11/05/08
Whats the hardest part about
Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair
carnarvonite
Posts: 8673
Date Joined: 24/07/07
Microwave cooking
Whats the hardest part about cooking vegetables in a microwave?
Getting the wheelchair in the door.
sea-kem
Posts: 15041
Date Joined: 30/11/09
Why are mini skirts now
Why are mini skirts now called Greyhounds? A: They are always about two inches from the hair.
Love the West!
scottland
Posts: 3040
Date Joined: 10/05/10
Lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0I17MsvvY8&feature=youtube_gdata_player ( bit of course language)
i support two teams eagles and whoever is playing the dockers
looking4mulloway
Posts: 101
Date Joined: 17/08/05
I would like to share an
I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before .... I took a bus home.
Sure enough I passed a roadblock but as it was a bus they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it from!
If you know of anybody missing a bus please let me know so I can arrange to return it.