That awkward moment when your friend's fat arm makes you look naked.

And we wonder why people have trouble learning the English language -- even those of us have it as our first language!!!

THIS IS GREAT!!!  
Read all the way to the end..............  This took a lot of
work to put together!!!

You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . . a new
twist


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.


2) The farm was used
to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish
furniture.

5) He could  lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to
desert his dessert in the
desert.

7) Since there is no time like
the present, he thought it was time to present the present .


8) A bass was painted on the
head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.


12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row


13) They were too close to the
door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and
a sewer fell down into a
sewer line.

16) To help with planting,
the farmer taught his sow to
sow.

17) The wind was
too strong to wind the sail.

18)
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate
this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is
a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham
in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French
fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers
write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel
at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people,
not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


You lovers of the English language
might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word
that perhaps has more meanings than any other
two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's
easy to understand
UP, meaning toward the sky or at
the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the
officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report
?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the
silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old
car.. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP  trouble,
line UP for tickets, work UP an
appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.


And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed
UP about UP
! To be knowledgeable about the
proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP  almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building
UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a
hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it  UP, for now my time is UP, so......it is time to shut UP!

Oh . . . one more thing:



What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you
do at night? U-P

Brilliant Mate, Laughing so much cant get up !!!!

I was told "I am" is the shortest sentence. It may well be, but i'm pretty sure "I do" is the longest.