Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and that the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable'

oooohhhhh..... shhiiiieet

Poo Diddy ;-)

Cheers

Mullows

hahahaha, its kanye but.

 thats puff daddy/p diddy...now aka poo daddy

lol @ mullows

 Q & A Australia

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Australia - The Land of Humor


This is fabulous - do read the bottom Q&A !!

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

________________________ ________________________ __
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

Aepends how much you've been drinking.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A : Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them inBrisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?
________________________ ________________________ __

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
________________________ ________________________ _

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
________________________ ________________________ __

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
________________________ ________________________ __

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A : No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it inAustralia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
________________________ ________________________ __

Qo you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A : Only at Christmas.
________________________ ________________________ __

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
 

I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying.



He said, "If the current administration is in office much longer, canned
goods and ammunition are your best bet."

 

One Hole Behind

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6." He thanked her and continued playing golf.

On the back nine he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted.

As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. "I'm in sales." He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?" She said it's too embarrassing to tell.

But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh.

He promised.

She said, "I sell tampons".

He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically. She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".

He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you."