The Sherriff in a small town in Texas is walking down the street when he sees a blonde haired cowboy walking towards him, wearing in only his cowboy hat, gun belt and boots.

The Sherriff arrests him for indecent exposure and marches him off to the jail. As he's locking up the cowboy, he asks "why in the world are you walking around like this?".

The cowboy says "I was in the bar down the road and I got talking to a sweet redhead who asked me if I wanted to go over to her motor home"...so I did.

We go inside and she takes off her top and asks me to take off my shirt, so I did.

Then she takes off her skirt and asks me to take off my pants, so I did.

Then she takes off her panties and asks me to take off my shorts, so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me with those sexy eyes and says "Ok cowboy, go to town"....and here i am!

Neels

Mick and Paddy of  Belfast .

Stu died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body,
so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy.

The three men had always done  everything together...

Mick arrived first, and when the  mortician pulled back the sheet,

Mick said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.
You better roll him over'

The mortician rolled him over and Mick said,
'Nope, ain't Stu ...'

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Paddy in to confirm the identity of the body.

Paddy looked at the body and said,
'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up..

Roll him  over.' 

The mortician rolled him over and Paddy said,
'No, it ain't Stu  '

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Paddy said, 'Well, Stu had two assholes.'

'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Stu with them two assholes.' 

Check this out. One for all the tired mums and dads out there. Noni Hazelhurst doing " Go the f##k to sleep". Priceless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MvdoPzrzWM0

 Does anyone know where I can get a paddle wheel for a Navman 4200 ?

A man boarded a plane with five kids. (Gutsy guy!)

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle
from him leaned over to him and asked,

"Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.  The store clerks called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor.  The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
 
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to.  A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen.  She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
 
Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
   
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
                 
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
                 
He replied, "No money in the bank."
                 
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
 
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
                 
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters!  Nuns are married to God."
 
The patient replied, "Perfect.  Send the bill to my brother-in-law."