Aussie kiss is a cracker!

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked..

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left..

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive. There were no discounts. The price was still £5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The man replied, " Edinburgh ."

"Really", she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ."

"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I'm her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person..."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain------

1.
Death
2.
Taxes
3.
Being screwed by a lawyer

Very well done Paul H

 A boy walks into a brothel, carrying behind him a dead frog. He approaches the counter and says to the receptionist,

Norwegian fisherman finds large orange dildo inside stomach of cod

Fisherman Bjorn Frilund shows off his unusual catch. Source: AAP

A NORWEGIAN fisherman has found a large sex toy in the stomach of a fish he was gutting for dinner.

Bjorn Frilund, 64, told The Local newspaper that he was struck by the cod’s “unusual shape” as soon as he picked it up.

 

And here they are again, the bright orange sex toy (left) and the cod, in close up. Source: Getty Images

“I was astonished,” he said. “It was totally unexpected. I had never seen anything like this before.”

Mr Frilund reckons the cod mistook the bright orange sex toy for a local species of octopus.

“Fish eat all kinds of different things,” he told The Local. “And the dildo looks like what the fish eat. We have a kind of multicoloured octopus in Norway, maybe the cod thought this was one of these and ate it.”

 

Here they are again, the cod and the sex toy, in even greater close up. Source: AAP

Mr Frilund has another theory as to how the vibrator, which still had a small motor at one end, ended up in the ocean in the first place

He thinks it might have been tossed overboard by a “frustrated woman on a cruise” in the Barents Sea.

“The chances of winning the lottery are probably greater,” he said.