Im goin to hell for this........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJ8vWgNXUYw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Irish vs The French!
 
The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. 
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said.
'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland.
I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!
We voted to reject the Lisbon  treaty!'
'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied.
How big is your army?'
 
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub.
That makes eleven!'
Sarkozy paused.
'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begorra!' says Paddy.
'I'll have to ring you back.' 

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again.
'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on.
We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!' 

'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.  

'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Sarkozy sighs amused.
'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.' 

'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.' 

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day.
'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on!
We have managed to get ourselves airborne!
We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!' 

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.
'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.
And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200, 000!' 

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.' 

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day.
'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy!
I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.' 

'Really?
I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy.
'Why the sudden change of heart?' 

'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no f****n' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.' 

When you have an
'I Hate My Job day' 

[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days] 
Try this
out: 

Stop at your pharmacy 

and
go to the thermometer section and 
purchase
a rectal thermometer made 
by
Johnson & Johnson. 
Be very sure you get this
brand. 
When
you get home, lock your doors, 
draw
the curtains and disconnect the phone
so
you will not be disturbed. 
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit
in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the
thermometer. 
Carefully place it on a table or a surface
so it will not become chipped or broken. 

Now
the fun part begins. 

Take
out the literature from the box and readit
carefully. 
You
will notice that in small print there is a
statement: 

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."
Now,
close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,' I am so glad I do not work in
the thermometer quality control department at 
Johnson
& Johnson.' 

HAVE
A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE
OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

Remember,
if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your
heart.... 

Maybe
you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson! 

Enjoy life as you're able - It has an expiration date!

found this looking for an eagles jumper for my nephew, it's to replace some crapy purple one his mother got him....

he must have been some player, wining the brownlow a year before wining the rising star award.

 Did u know that if you put your ear up to a strangers leg you can hear them say :

What the fuck are u doing ?