Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2012-08-24 07:20
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sea-kem
Posts: 15041
Date Joined: 30/11/09
Now for something
Now for something different!
50 Shades of Rockingham....
Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jerry Springer and The Circle. As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight.
It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of chico rolls and 2 minute noodles. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant.
I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you. As I stood in line at Centrelink thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the IGA.
He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same.!
My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****** his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Woolies.
He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy arse. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again, again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetbix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crystal meth normally played havoc with his erections ....
Love the West!
sarcasm0
Posts: 1396
Date Joined: 25/06/09
Hehe, saw a different version of this a few weeks back
50 Shades of Grey - Rockingham Styles ! I had to post for everyones entertainment !
Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill the lonely hours between Jerry Springer and Days of our Lives. As he approached me with his pasty white arms hanging out of his Nike vest, his smile told me that it was dole day and I knew that my velour track suit would be hanging off the lampshade tonight. As I stood in line at Centrelink.....thinking of reasons why I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed sweat and Lynx Africa! I turned and there he was, DWAYNE, with his pants half way down his arse, our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Woolies. He had already tied his Staffy to a post in the alley way so we would not be disturbed, there was a tramp watching but it did not bother us, just added to the mystery. I knew then that this was love and my life would never be the same again. I made a promise to him there and then that I would buy him a plasma with the baby bonus.
sea-kem
Posts: 15041
Date Joined: 30/11/09
(No subject)
Love the West!
Doooma
Posts: 791
Date Joined: 05/12/09
Interesting read
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2190863/The-news-men-waiting-Oral-sex-good-womens-health-helps-fight-depression.html
dumper
Posts: 1027
Date Joined: 03/04/08
(No subject)
Carry
Posts: 657
Date Joined: 22/04/09
thats the shit
thats the shit dooma
We feel nothing but a certain difficulty in continuing to stand